What can the future hold? Can it be filled with pain? Can it be filled with laughter? Will it be filled with love or will it be filled with sorrow? No one knows the answers to this question. So why do people always tell us to look towards the future? What's so special about it? It can't be that it's special because it's not now nor the past. That's just ridiculous. I think that it's more substantial than that. That it is the mere possibility of what could unfold that intrigues us about it, be it good or bad.
I wonder if there will be another world war. I wonder if I will graduate college on time. I wonder if I will marry the woman that I love. I wonder if I will have a child of my own making.I wonder what the real possibilities for my future employment are. I know where I would like to be. I know what I would like to accomplish. I am just not certain that all of what I dream of is a viable goal.
Dreams are great and a waste of time depending on your own personal point of view. Personally I find dreams to be handy and distracting all in one. They can help you focus your life goals and engross you into losing track of the things that are truly important in your life. I would venture to guess that even a distraction from time to time is a good thing. So long as said distraction isn't all encompassing.
I have 3 dreams that I wish to come completely true. I want to marry the love of my life. I want to have a child with said woman so that I can always have a part of her. I want to create a company that offers low cost high gain (for the consumer) telecommunications company that offers services to people through a fiber optics network (Internet and T.V.). Pretty much in that order. I know I will finish school, that's the easy part. I know my bills will get paid off sooner or later (preferably sooner). I know that there are people in my life that love me and wish for me to succeed. Unfortunately, I don't know a lot more. I don't know how to go about building this network I want to happen. I don't know where I can get the money to build said network. I don't know when I will graduate for sure because getting into the right classes at the right time is a pain. I don't know many more things that I can't even begin to list.
All this being said, there is one thing that I am grateful for. I have found an amazing woman who is a wonderful mother to her kids. She has the sweetest personality and a great sense of humor. She is a little shy and a little reserved. This is a learned habit that she's actually starting to break which makes her all the better. She has a big heart but is scared I will damage it. I can't tell her not to be scared because it will do nothing. I can tell her that she shouldn't fear me or anything that I might do, but it doesn't do much. I know I have to show her how much I care, how much I wish to be there for her, how much I want to see her smile, laugh and be happy. She knows I love her, truly love her. Is she the love of my life? I don't know, but won't it be great to find out? I am extremely patient. I do not fault her for being afraid. She has her reasons. I fault myself for feeling like sometimes I rush things. Above all else though, I am waiting for that future date when she tells me how she feels about me. When she realizes that I can't and won't do any harm to her. I couldn't even if I knew how. I am hopeful for a future date when she expresses all these things that are bottled up in side so I might see the her that I know is inside screaming to come out.
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