We all start out somewhere. I started out no where any different than that of most people. Grew up in a home surrounded by people. Sometimes your lucky, you get surrounded by people that openly show the love and support that people need to grow and mature. Sometimes, you are not so lucky and have a difficult childhood growing up. I was somewhere in between. Parents loved me, but rarely said it. In fact, the first time that I can ever remember my dad telling me he loved me was when I was 16 years old, and I can remember things back to when I was 3 years old.
It's when we get into high school, I think, that the over all effect that the nurturing and home environment shines through. I mean where people can really tell from you and your actions how your life has been up until that point. This is difficult because the social pressures of the people we attend school with can be very, well demanding to say the least. On top of which, we notice the same things in everyone else that we see in ourselves. Only problem is that sometimes we don't like what we see and tend not to get along with said person.
The greatest pressure, we (as kids) face is the whole sex thing. Grown people have been debating, arguing, and basically beating the hell out of this topic to the point that no one bothers to listen much anymore. The simple fact is that the people who are going to be getting 'laid' are the ones that need to decide for themselves whether or not they are ready to take that step. The best we can do as parents is guide them, and hope we have given them enough information to make a rational decision. Perhaps the first real rational, life affecting decision that kids have to make in their lives.
As guys, we are pressured by society, our peers, and other influences in our lives to look at sexual encounters as a conquest type of event of sorts. When we are younger, we are driven by puberty, encouraged by peers, and shunned by society for partaking in this particular act, yet we all face the choice. Those of us that participate in this... act of social stupidity (there's really no other name for it), then our friends treat us as though we've won, if we don't, those we do not really even know but seem to want to cast judgement upon us, regard us as weaklings, social outcasts, or maybe just like dirt. So what do we do? Some guys play the game and try to win, others fake their way through boasting sessions and pretend like they are even though they haven't. Some hide and shy away. They try not to let people really get to know them and in this way avoid being teased or made serious fun of. There are those though, that don't hide, don't participate, and don't give a damn about what other people think of their choice. This is the group I fell it to.
I am now in my 30's and have grown up a bit since those days. I look back at all the male posturing I witnessed, all of the ridiculous pandering to peers and the serious ass kissing of those that got laid and am quite frankly discusted by the memories. That got me thinking about my past. You see, I've only dated a hand full of women. I am very picky about whom I choose to spend my time with. Of those, I've only slept with a fraction. There was this one lady though. She had a most peculiar comment she made. We had spent hours of just sitting around, talking about anything and everything that came to mind. She was shocked in some of my responses, and just plain floored by others. I asked her once why she was always so taken back by the way I looked at life, she said
"Some people are very narrow in their view of things. Sometimes when you talk to people, they just extrude 'I am young' in the way they either think or the way they relay the ideas in their head. I am not talking about body age, but rather age of the soul. I've heard people my parents age say the dumbest crap I'd ever heard, yet here you sit sounding like someone that's been around for ages. That's what floors me. You're the first person that I've talked to who seems to be an OLD soul, a Very old soul. One day you will marry a woman and make her very happy."
I didn't quite understand where she was coming from on that end. I'm not even sure I believe I have an 'old soul' as she put it. Most of the people I had met fell into the young category. Even at the time though, I took it as it was meant to be, and thanked her for the compliment. The main reason why I am writing this is because I recently got married about 5 months ago. I am doing my best to make my wife as happy as I can. She's a bit on the reserved side when she's around me. I don't mind, it makes me try even harder to get a good reaction out of her. If there is anything that I could say to that woman who told that to me it would be 'Thank you, for what you said and what you did. All of our past actions, good or bad, bring us to the place we are currently standing in. I love where I am at, and I love the woman I married. Thank you.'
I labeled this title the way I did because as a male, maturity never really happens. We still play with toys, only instead of action figures, its cars or computers or something more expensive. We are the never ending child that has become aware of our actions and the consequences of said actions. There is a saying that children are those with no responsibility, kids are those with chores, boys are those who know that they need to change in order to advance in society yet are afraid to because its new and different. Guys are males who still act like boys but take responsibility for their life. Men are males who have been around for too long in the same place and have forgotten what it's like to be anything but an adult. I am a guy, and I hope to never change.
Sincerely;
T.D.S.
Student of Human Nature
